Written By Reina Beach | Co-Founder of Hello Brave
When my son was diagnosed with cancer, our family experienced countless unexpected challenges and profound lessons. One crucial aspect we've given much thought to is the language we use to talk about cancer, especially with children. Cancer is often framed as a "fight" or "battle," but this metaphor doesn't resonate with everyone and can, in fact, create more challenges than it solves.
For many children, viewing cancer as a battle can be confusing and distressing. My son, for example, never felt like he was in a battle and did not find that language to be motivating. He was tired and weak, often struggling to get out of bed, let alone "put up a fight," or "go to battle." Using words like these made him feel like he wasn't experiencing cancer the "right" way, adding unnecessary stress to an already challenging experience.
Instead, we talked about his cancer as a part of his story—an important chapter, but not the whole book. We made sure he knew that it didn't define him.
Here's why shifting our perspective from a "battle" to a "story" worked for us:
A Story Is Personal: Each child's experience with cancer is unique. Viewing it as a story honors their individual journey and allows them to see their strength in a personal and meaningful way.
A Story Evolves: Just like a story has different chapters, a child's experience with cancer includes various stages. Some are tough, some are hopeful, and all are part of their growth and resilience.
A Story Is Open-Ended: Unlike a battle, which has a clear win or lose outcome, a story continues. This perspective allows children and their families to focus on the future, their dreams, and the possibilities beyond the illness, while also acknowledging that there may be setbacks, and that doesn't mean you have "failed" or "lost."
Using war metaphors can give the wrong idea about what it's like to go through cancer treatment. Chemotherapy and radiotherapy can cause many difficult side effects, like feeling very tired, feeling sick, and mood changes. Many children, like my son, don't feel like they are "fighting" anything—they are simply enduring and adapting to their new reality.
These metaphors also fail to accurately depict the nature of cancer. The path from diagnosis to treatment and recovery isn't always clear or simple. Cancer doesn’t always have a clear end like a battle does. Besides the physical side effects of treatment, like scars from surgery and hair loss from chemotherapy, there are emotional effects too. Children may feel changes in their confidence and social interactions, which can affect their well-being long after treatment ends.
Describing cancer as something to "beat" suggests control and choice that children simply do not have. If a child's body doesn’t respond well to treatment, this can make them feel guilty and like they failed. This language can even unintentionally blame those who don’t survive, which is never the intent when using these metaphors.
Ultimately, war metaphors can overshadow the true experiences of children who live through cancer. By seeing cancer as part of a larger story, we can better focus on the real experiences of children who have lived through it, highlighting their strength, resilience, and the many other aspects that make them who they are.
If the story metaphor resonates better with you or your child than battle metaphors, here are a few phrases we suggest trying out:
Instead of...
"Cancer battle"
Try
"Cancer story"
Instead of...
"Fighting cancer"
Try
"Undergoing cancer treatment", "Following the treatment plan"
Instead of...
"Cancer warrior"
Try
"Child with cancer", or"Living with cancer"
Instead of...
"Failing treatment", or "Losing the battle"
Try
"Treatment is not working", "A challenging chapter", or "A setback in the cancer story"
Instead of...
"Beat cancer"
Try
"Finished cancer treatment"
At the end of the day, how you and your child choose to talk about cancer is entirely up to you. Discuss with your care team, family, and friends how you would like to frame your child's cancer story, so they can feel supported in the best way possible.
At Hello Brave, we are committed to supporting you and your child's unique story. Together, we can navigate these chapters with strength, hope, and the power of storytelling.
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